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Home Commentary So What if I'm Partial, Prejudiced, and Biased - You're Stupid!
So What if I'm Partial, Prejudiced, and Biased - You're Stupid! Print
Written by Hack London, Dirty Polli’s beat writer

I can not help it. I am a numbers guy. It is a sickness that has become mine. All I crave or chase is the chance to overload my brain with the endless minutia of statistical reporting, sifting through the avalanche of never-ending data that comes with the life of sports writer. I love dissecting it, analyzing it, and discussing it with people on the bus, who just want me to shut the hell up and leave them alone. I can’t help myself. I really love numbers. So when I say that the final score of the Reap What You Roll Bout on October 23rd 2010, is misleading, it has nothing to do with the fact that I refuse to listen to the other side of the argument.

Look, I’m just a fat man in a recliner, double dipping powder-sugar covered waffles into bowls of nacho cheese and sour cream, typing away at the internet. I couldn’t walk around that track let alone put skates on and somehow generate forward momentum. But when I see 23 majors for the Sockeye Sallys and only 9 for the Dirty Polli’s, I start asking myself a couple of questions.

Actually 3 questions.
  1. Was it poor skating on the behalf of the Sallys that caused all those majors?
  2. Was it the Polli’s aggressive style of blocking that forced the Sallys into committing so many penalties?
  3. Did the referees have a quick whistle for the Sallys with their eyes in the crowd looking for Drew Barrymore?
These are all questions. You know that because the sentences all end in a question mark.

Now look, I’m not about to kick the hornet’s nest here in my first article as a Dirty Polli’s beat writer and throw Rage City’s incredible refereeing crew under the bus. I know they have a thankless job, keeping order among 50 alpha females who are trying to rip each other’s faces off. And I know that most of Rage City’s referees are human beings with complex emotions, and their judgments can sometimes be clouded by an endless array of outside circumstances. And finally, I know that blaming the referees for the outcome of any sporting event is weak and pathetic and an insult to the victorious team. Unless of course you are talking about the Bears vs Lions season opener in week one of this year’s NFL season. How do you not call that a catch? I mean, that’s a catch everywhere but the NFL, where it counts the most? Makes me want to throw a brick through something.

Here is where I am going with all this. You do the math, because I am drunk, but the Sally’s scored 29 of their 104 points on the last 2 jams. That’s nearly a third of their total point production in the final 2 minutes when the Polli’s are already in the midst of celebrating their victory and skating with lax aggressiveness. Also there were a total of 19 jams from the 2 periods that the Sally’s didn’t get any points on the board and twice in the 2nd period they had scoreless droughts of over 3 consecutive jams. It really was all-out Polli domination.


  1. I think Thai-Grrr, skated fearlessly and with a chip on her shoulder in her first headline bout.
  2. I think Kung Pow! Kim was the real difference maker for the Polli’s. With 30 points, she was the fourth highest point scorer.
  3. I think the Polli’s are going to be real dangerous when Deuce Gunner and Shocker Khan return.
  4. I think jamming 20 out of a possible 41 jams is too much for one skater to keep up throughout a season. Even if that skater is JENetically EVIL.
  5. I think we are still waiting to see the peak of Tenacious Leigh’s talent. Bout after bout she continues to get better.
  6. I think it’s great having The Deadliest Snatch back in the league. If only for that idiot announcer to yell her name during introductions.
  7. I think it was good to see Killa Magilla in the pack more, and not just on the jammer line. No doubt she is among Rage City’s top two jammers, but a skater as skilled as her at pivot can be just as dangerous.
  8. I think if I were building a team and I had the 1st overall pick, I would take Blitzkrieg Baker.
  9. I think Nautical Nuisance and Razor Burns had impressive but under the radar nights. You may not have heard their names called that much over the PA, but when they got the opportunity they, skated their asses off.
  10. I think Frost*Sting has the greatest, most adorable look of “What me” whenever she gets sent to the penalty box.
  11. I think I need a refill.


  1. Kung Pow! Kim: 30 points in seven jams gaining lead jammer four out of those seven.
  2. Blitzkrieg Baker (Honorable Mention): I don’t have a stat yet for girls knocked on their asses, but I am working on it.


  1. Blitzkrieg Baker: Nothing gets done without the blockers. In no other sport on earth are players required to play offense and defense at the same time.
  2. JENetically EVIL: I am not sure that any skater wanted to win more than Evil did that night. And that was a big part of the Polli’s victory.
  3. Frost*Sting: Very few skaters have the same track awareness as she does … and seriously, next time she goes to the box, look at that face. “A penalty, on me?”
Individual acknowledgment is always nice but this is a team sport and on October 23rd 2010, at the Dena’ina Center, the better team won. It didn’t matter if you skated for one jam or for thirty of them, if you were on the track a single minute you left everything you had out there. And that is why the Polli’s won. That, and they had more points when the last jam ended after the second period clock hit 00:00.

That’s Hack London in case you forgot, reporting presently about the past for the future.
Last Updated on Thursday, 02 December 2010 13:05

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