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Home Commentary The Sockeye Sallys Have Much to be Excited About
The Sockeye Sallys Have Much to be Excited About Print

Written By Sylvia Plastered

Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your ear for the moment, a message needs to be passed down to the gracious people of our glorious city: The Sockeye Sally’s didn’t get beat on October 23, 2010, they just ran out of time.

Reportin’ on roller derby has been a gig of mine for nearly 75 years and I have seen it all from top to bottom, on the inside and the outside, sometimes in both sides at the same time. But when two teams skate as hard as those young ladies did that night, no one is beaten, though one team will run out of time.

I must say I did spend much of my time during the first period flirting with the sexy young man with short brown hair who was pouring my whiskey and ice. I do love a full bar. I must say this new venue is such a blessing for you dolls and I am just thrilled with it. It is so big and absolutely what you girls deserve. Here, here I say. Though, there was a time when I did not have to pay for my own drinks. Gentlemen of Anchorage, I am looking in your direction. At least, I think I am. The eyesight, I hear, goes second, and I cannot hear a thing.

There It was a stupendous start to the bout. I do remember that much... I remember little Pain Maker Sally and little Itchy busting their little butts to get through that big ol’ pack. Wonderful, by the way, having that little spark plug back in the league. Itchy was missed by everyone. But ladies, eat some more meat for goodness sakes. Winter’s coming, so don’t be afraid to pack on those extra pounds.

Sadly for my lovely ladies, the early lead did not last for long. The entire night I saw Sally after Sally in the penalty box and it caught up to them in the end. The Polli’s are a tough team, there is no doubt. But the Sally’s are making no excuses.

All that stuff right there was the bad stuff. As a professional writer it is my duty to report on all aspects of the bout, though this former derby dame does not like to dwell on the negatives. No sir, I’ll be spending the time I have left being happy about things. Which is darn right easy when there was just so much that I loved about the Reap What You Roll Bout. But then again I love everything about derby.

I love seeing Salmon Ella with the star on her helmet. She is absolutely willing to skate across your face to get through that pack. It’s dementedly fabulous.

I love how White Russian just whips those skinny, little jammers around the turns with all her might

I love New England Pat Riot mixing it up with whoever wants some. I speak to Tom Brady often and he tells me he has never seen an off-season workout as physically demanding as what this grandma does.

I love how Lil Red Vette never gave up, even when she got knocked down, and then got knocked down again ... and then again.

I love seeing Pain Maker Sally with her arms in the air getting the crowd excited and firing up the fans. It’s what they want to see ladies.

I love Captain Lethal Lavender. Everything about her.

I love seeing Hurtz Jenerator put those Dirty Polli’s on their backs. Even if it did mean having to warm up the seats in the penalty box. Jezebels.

I love how that even though the Polli’s led for most of the bout, there was never any doubt on the Sockeye Sally faces that they were not going to win. And I love the confidence that each and every girl skated with. There was a time perhaps, in years past, when intimidation could be fired at the Sockeye Sallys like an arrow carried in a quiver sewn with threads of pressure. But those times are no longer. These Sallys will not be intimidated and they will not be satisfied until their thirst for victory is quenched by the tears of unfathomable sadness streaming down the vanquished faces of the Dirty Polli’s.

Last Updated on Thursday, 02 December 2010 13:17

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