The Constable

Constable Norm likes hard, sweaty practices and drinking beers afterwards. A couple of years ago his wife, Lethal Lavender, heard an advertisement on the radio about roller derby; so they came to practice one night and she participated and he just sat over on the sideline and watched: an orange-bearded, kilt-wearing, haggis-eating drunk slouched over the bleachers, moaning on and on about how what he was watching was the most messed-up rugby game he'd ever seen. Somebody said, "The league needs refs. Give that drunk guy a set of the rules and sober him up for a couple of hours a few times a week and he can be one." Here he is, two years down the road, elected to the Chair of the Officiating Committee, with a spot on the Board, working with these ladies to achieve greatness.

Kim Kong

You wouldn't know she's only 5'4" because she packs a wallop! Kim Kong was quick to learn derby-style skating because of her childhood history of figure skating. Possibly inspired by Tonya Harding? You tell us. Now a retired skater, she keeps the girls in line.

Anal Tex

Anal Tex likes TEXAS!, contact sports, loud music, mangey dogs, tattoos, and breaking rules. She dislikes driving, talking on the phone, and Tiffany. She was born in a saloon in Texas ... her Mama was a firecracker and her Daddy was a gun-toting, roller skating rink owner. She's got more scars and tattoos than most people have fingers and toes. She's always been known to cross lines. She steals whiskey and devours tacos. You can rest assured she shoots straight while she skates and if you're a derby drama queen ... she'll tan your hide!

Mr. Furious

Mr. Furious does not understand unicorn people. He enjoys a well-made old fashioned. He's an inspiration to anyone who's still trying to figure themselves out. He's now in his 19th year of college on his 6th major with 2 classes to go. He's been slowly going bald for the past 10 years and has still not settled on what to do with his hair that remains. He's been asking his wife, Mrs. Furious, for juggling torches for Christmas for the past 15 years to no avail. He should wear glasses due to an astigmatism but generally chooses not to do so. He met Bob Denver (Gilligan) in an elevator in Santa Fe and enjoys telling the story about it. He likes catching quarters off of his elbow. He enjoys arugula, playing Qix and Q-bert, the satisfaction of flossing, live concerts, stop motion animation, running, having his nipples pinched, civil rights for all, Scrumpy ciders, dogs, fiber supplements, the gorilla chicken, and sexy time.
 
As far as dislikes, he gets quite annoyed at people who don't like to read, people who make the quotation signs with their hands when they say something, and especially those who idolize others. On that note, Mr. Furious is absolutely in love with Mrs. Furious, Lil' Furious, George Carlin, Shmoo, Benjamin Franklin, Mitch Hedberg, Alfred Hitchcock, Steve Martin circa 1978, Voltaire (and pretty much all of his Enlightenment buddies), Jim Henson, Katharine Hepburn, John Waters circa 1970, Noam Chomsky, Sonic Youth, Jane Goodall, Marty Feldman, Stanley Kubrick, Isaac Asimov, George Washington Carver, David Cross, Woody Allen, Mark Twain, Monty Python, Karl Marx, Gene Roddenberry, Gore Vidal, Moondog, The Kids in the Hall, Carl Sagan, Frank Zappa, Kurt Vonnegut, The Butthole Surfers circa the 1980's, the Great Grape Ape, Friedrich Nietzsche, James Coburn, David Suzuki, Charlie Chaplin, Stephen Jay Gould, The Smothers Brothers, Harvey Milk, Fiodor Dostoievski, Shakes the Clown, Sergio Leone, Sam Harris, Ray Harryhausen, Mark "The Bird" Fidrych, Hunter S. Thompson, Albert Einstein, Mark Mothersbaugh, Charles Darwin, and Lucille Ball.
 
Why is he here at Rage City? That's an interesting answer, but this bio is getting a tad long ...

Res Judiquada

Res believes that love is the only power that can eclipse hatred. His mission is to bring joy to the people and tear down walls. He is also learning to stand up to mean derby girls. Dislikes (in reverse order): mayonnaise, slugs, slugs in mayonnaise.

Jerm Warfare

You've heard that big things come in small packages ... it's time to meet Jerm Warfare! One of the toughest of the Rage City DICS — having survived 13 concussions, falling out of a helicopter, one high-speed rollerskating collision, and inumerable broken hearts — Jerm is nearly indestructible. Likes: Pizza, Beer, Crushing things that must be crushed. Dislikes: Cheese, Uncrushable objects.